Not So Evil
by turkeyplatter
Summary: This is a series of short clips in time that follow a general theme. The story follows Regina with a hint of Outlaw Queen but nothing overt.
1. Price & Purpose

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't sue me.**

**WARNING: This is NOT a romantic story. This was written during the summer between the 3rd season ending and the 4th season starting, so anything supposedly set in 4th season is AU. If you are just looking for a general Regina fic with a hint of Outlaw Queen, then this is the fic for you. If not, surf on.**

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**Enchanted Forest, 10 years before the casting of the Dark Curse…**

The ride back to the castle was a slow one. She didn't love her husband and despised her step-daughter, yet for the first time since—Daniel—she felt alive.

"_You have potential, dearie," the gold man lilted. "We have much work to do, you and I."_

_A small, fearful voice warned her away, urged her to mount her horse and ride past the gold man who had trained the monster her mother had become. But a smaller voice whispered hope in her ear. Hope that magic had taken Daniel away but that powerful enough magic might bring him back. "Let's start then."_

_The gold man giggled at that. "So eager!" he trilled, moving his fingers for emphasis, "But not now, dearie. I have a deal to make in a neighboring kingdom. No. Return to your castle and I'll collect you in the morning."_

"_I'm not going back," her voice was quiet yet firm. She wanted her freedom and had no intention of staying now that her mother was gone._

"_Yes, you are," Rumpelstiltskin's playful tone turned flat. His fingers moved to indicate her horse and hastily packed saddlebags. "This really wasn't well thought out, dearie. Your mother may be gone, but your father remains. What do you suppose would happen to him if the king's lovely, young wife were to run away?"_

_It didn't take long for Regina to mentally fill in that blank. King Leopold wasn't an attentive husband, but even during their brief acquaintance, she knew him to be fiercely possessive. If she ran, her father was already at the king's castle. It wouldn't inconvenience him at all to move her father's rooms to a dungeon._

_Rumpelstiltskin grinned as understanding dawned._

"_Tomorrow then," she agreed._

Passing through the front gates, Regina noted how no one looked her in the eye, how no one commented on her packed saddlebags or traveling clothes, how the mounted cavalry made haste to appear to be running regular drills instead of being the obvious search party that was about to be launched. In case there had been any doubt as to the king's intent, he met her in the corridor with her father, all concern on the surface.

"My dear, I was worried! No one knew where you had gone, and your horse was missing."

Regina saw past the veil of concern to the armed escort and pallor of her father's features. Summoning a smile, Regina forced a hint of humor into her tone, "I wasn't kidnapped, I assure you. I remembered a book of my mother's at our old home, and I wasn't sure how long I would be away for." Regina schooled her features to convey the confused apology of a young woman-turned-queen who didn't really understand the trouble she was causing. She held her breath, hoping that he would not see through her ruse.

Finally, the king's shoulders twitched forward, a subtle release of tension. "A memento, of course," his eyes clouded over with private grief, her story plucking a heartstring. Still, the suspicion was there.

Playing the part, Regina removed the book from her saddlebag. For a moment, she allowed her gaze to linger on the intricate metal lacing surrounding the ruby heart on the cover. This book that contained the name of the man who had taught her mother how to destroy and manipulate hearts. The man who would teach her to regain Daniel's heart. Using the tears that threatened, Regina looked up at her father and smiled. "It was just where you said it was."

The king shifted slightly to glance behind him. "Your father claimed not to know where you were."

Regina heard the shift in tone and knew he was accepting her story. "I asked him not to," she lied, clutching the book a bit tighter for effect. "I wanted to do this alone."

King Leopold's expression softened, misinterpreting her grief. "Of course," he said, placing knobby hands on her shoulders in an almost fatherly manner, "and you are safe to travel anywhere in my kingdom, but the guard must be informed, and at least a small escort must go with you. You are the queen and should not be seen to travel alone."

Clamping down on the instinct to pull away, Regina forced her shoulders to relax, as if she found comfort in his gesture. Not trusting her voice, she offered a strained smile instead. The king did not see the strain and left her with empty words of wanting her to be comfortable and happy. When the king and his guards were gone, she flung her arms around her father, the book pressing against her chest. They were prisoners for now, but magic would give her the power to set them free.

.

.

**Enchanted Forest, 9 years before the casting of the Dark Curse…**

Her magical training progressed but not quickly enough. She was just as frustrated as her mentor appeared to be, unable to master a simple transportation spell.

"STOP!" Rumpelstiltskin shrieked, fingers ticking for emphasis. "Just. Stop." He stalked back towards his research table where he had been testing a seemingly innocuous piece of paper with different potions when she'd arrived that morning.

"We're not done yet—"

"Oh, yes we are, dearie," he interrupted. "It's not the magic, it's you. You're stopping yourself. Leave. Come back tomorrow. BUT—!" he raised a finger, "—leave your escort at the castle."

Regina stopped. "I can't cast the illusion spell yet," she reminded him. Every morning, Regina left the castle for a long morning ride with her personal escort, and every morning her mentor cast an illusion spell on them to fill their minds with blurred recollections of a leisurely ride through the forest while Regina actually studied magic in the Dark Castle.

"Then don't come on a horse," he countered, each syllable deliberate. "Now, leave."

.

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**Enchanted Forest, 8 years before the casting of the Dark Curse…**

_The heart didn't work._

This single thought reverberate inside, filling her being. Regina clung to herself, willing the thought to stay, because once it was gone, she would be empty. Empty of hope. Empty of love.

Days passed.

She dutifully magicked away the food brought to her rooms so no one would know she wasn't eating. Still, the thought echoed, _The heart didn't work._

When she became aware again, the thought was gone. Numbed, Regina reasoned logically, 'There's no point to anything now. I have nothing.' Yet even as she thought this, she knew it was wrong. Even with Daniel gone, with every chance of reclaiming her past extinguished, something remained. Purpose. Terrible, awful, powerful purpose.

But she was too weak to see it.

More days passed, only part of the meals now magicked away, giving her mind enough fuel to crystalize the new thought that was trying to take hold. Mid-brush through her hair, her gaze suddenly sharpened, the fragments of her life rearranged and fusing together. She had never had the power to reclaim what she'd lost, but she could have the power to free herself. To free her father. To be happy again. But not with the king alive. He had to die and could not appear to die by her hand. Assassins could be caught and poisons traced, but magic…

"Magic will set me free."

Her voice came out gravely from disuse. A bitter smile tugged at her lips. The new voice suited her new self. Her new purpose. Slowly, Regina turned her attention to the mirror. The face did not fit the voice, tear-stained and pale. Deliberate, Regina opened the untouched jars of makeup that had been wedding gifts. She would reinvent herself. She would create a new face to match her newfound purpose. A self strong enough to claim her happily-ever-after.

.

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**Enchanted Forest, during the Missing Year…**

The face that stared back at her no longer fit. Before, this face had been the symbol of her strength to take back her happy ending. Her armor that she showed the world. That had been before she'd found happiness again. Before Henry.

The face was no longer protection but a mask. A façade to make others believe that she still possessed that strength. That purpose.

It didn't work, of course. Not on those who had known her in Storybrooke. Snow and Charming were particularly annoying, especially since they were in the unique position to empathize with being separated from their child. For them, though, it was different. True, Emma was trapped in another realm with no memory of her parents, but the Charmings had few memories to miss with their daughter, courtesy of Regina's curse. They hadn't experienced the full joy of a child's wonder or the terror that came when he was in danger and truly was helpless. Regina had done the best she could for Henry, giving Emma and him memories that had just been hers and her son's, but she couldn't protect him anymore. Emma had magic, but she wouldn't remember it. Anything could be happening to her son, and she would never know.

Such thoughts consumed her, chipping away at the armor she wore.

Aside from unsuccessfully trying to uncover what Zalena was doing, bantering with The Thief was the only thing that distracted Regina from worrying about Henry. Ironically, The Thief's son was her strongest reminder of what she's lost. Despite this, she couldn't seem to avoid the child. He had his father's gift for effortless stealth coupled with a child's ability to see past the Queen's face.

"_Mi'lady," Roland started, copying his father's manner of address, "why is your face always sad?"_

_Regina froze, reminded of another little boy who had asked such a question on the anniversary of Daniel's murder. "I'm not sad."_

Roland hadn't believed her. He saw past her old face, but she didn't have a purpose to change it for. Henry was her purpose, and Henry was gone.


	2. Adoption Day

**Enchanted Forest, during the Missing Year…**

The castle was just as she had left it, protective wards and traps included. Some Storybrooke refugees were still trickling in, but most had taken up temporary residence either in the castle or on the grounds. Regina didn't begrudge them this, but it made her life more difficult in that she had to systematically remove every curse and magical trap whenever another wing of the castle was opened.

In truth, she didn't mind the distraction, but there was only one of her. Blue and the other fairies had not stayed long, insisting that they needed to rebuild their flowers or wherever it was that they lived. Regina hadn't blamed Tinkerbelle for leaving, who had worked so hard to regain her wings, but she was genuinely unimpressed with the supposed protectors of light magic. It seemed that their time in Storybrooke hadn't created the strong bond that either she or the Charmings had hoped for upon the discovery of a new threat in the Enchanted Forest. Thus, Regina was the advisor for all matters magical, which turned out to be quite a few of the issues that faced the kingdom at present.

One face that remained that Regina would have been glad to see go was Roland, The Thief's son. The boy reminded her too much of Henry and was impossible to ignore.

After that first monkey incident, the boy had taken to following her whenever he could slip away for the Merry Men, which was often. Roland was mostly quiet, which was odd for a boy of his age, but Regina did not engage him because she suspected that if she did he would find occasion to follow her more often. Still, he was her little shadow whenever his father was near the castle.

This day was particularly hard. It was a day that went unmarked by the rest of the kingdom, but today was the anniversary of the day she had signed Henry's adoption papers. She had always made a big deal of his actual birthday, but they had held a private celebration every year on his Adoption Day. That is until he turned ten and discovered that she was the Evil Queen.

It was on this day that Roland was being a particularly persistent shadow. Normally, if she stayed in one room for too long he would wander off for a while. He also usually kept his distance, preferring to creep rather than sit. Today, however, he sat on the opposite side of the settee, starring avidly as she continued to pretend to read.

Abruptly, Regina set down her book, facing the boy who would not give her her much-needed solitude. "Is there something on my face?" she sniped.

The boy was unaffected by her tone. "Mi'lady," Roland started, copying his father's manner of address, "why is your face always sad?"

Regina froze, reminded of another little boy who had asked such a question on the anniversary of Daniel's murder. "I'm not sad," she denied flatly.

"Then why don't you smile?" Roland didn't wait for her to answer. "Papa didn't used to smile much either, but he said that seeing other people smile helped him remember how." As if to help her, the boy smiled, all dimples and innocence.

The shards of Regina's heart throbbed painfully. "I'm not sad," she repeated, her expression softening, "I just have a lot to worry about with the kingdom."

Confronted with this new problem, Roland's smile dimmed a bit but sprung back into place almost immediately. "Papa said you're very busy protecting everyone and that's why you forget to smile."

Regina felt her eyebrows rising into her hairline. "Oh, really? And what else does your father say?"

"That he shouldn't bother you when you're working," Robin admonished his son, stepping from the shadows.

Roland immediately bounded over to him and hugged his legs. "But Papa, Mi'lady isn't working. She's reading," he reasoned.

The Thief looked seriously at his son, the face of a parent teaching an important life lesson. "Reading can be a type of work. One that you should be learning right now in fact." The boy's shoulders sagged at that. Ruffling his hair, Robin grinned at his son's attitude towards learning to read. "Now run along. Tuck is waiting for you in the kitchens."

The transformation was instant, Roland practically bouncing in place. "Okay, papa!" He spun around, beaming at Regina. "Goodbye, Mi'lady!"

Robin smiled after his son before offering Regina the hapless grin of a single parent. Regina empathized. It was no easy feat raising an active boy with a town to run. Regina stopped herself, forcing her mind to focus on the present. The Thief was giving her one of his understanding looks that she hated so much. No, not hate. There wasn't enough of her het left intact even for that familiar emotion. It just made her _tired._ She didn't have the energy to spar with him. Not today.

Just as she opened her mouth to tell him to leave though, Robin inclined his head in the closest he ever came to a bow, "Mi'lady," and dismissed himself.

Now alone, Regina collapsed against the back of the settee, the boning in her corset the only thing holding her insides together. She would have to meet with Snow in an hour, but until then, she could grieve in peace.

.

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**Storybrooke, 24 years after the casting of the Dark Curse…**

"Morning, mom!" Henry grinned, jumping onto her bed and snuggling close. Round hazel eyes smiled at her, sparking a smile of her own.

"Happy Adoption Day, Prince Henry," she teased.

Her son beamed. "Happy Adoption Day! What are we doing today?"

Regina sat up, as much to better hold her son as to begin the morning wake up process. "Well, it just so happens that I've noticed a mystery in town."

"A mystery?" Henry sat straight up, immediately excited.

Catching his excitement, Regina glanced around as if to check that no one else would hear. This done, she leaned forward and continued in a mock whisper, "Yes, but we mustn't tell anyone. It seems that a rabbit has been seen hopping through town over the past few weeks, but you can only see it at a distance."

"Why's that?" Henry whispered back.

"Because whenever anyone gets close, it disappears. Just. Like. Magic," she finished dramatically. Her son's eyes gleamed. "What say you, Prince Henry? Shall we sally forth and track this mysterious creature that has come to our realm?"

"We shall!" Henry agreed theatrically.

"Then it's decided, but first, breakfast."

"Yay!"

While Henry bounced off to set the table, Regina marveled at how much energy a six year old could have. Henry never just walked anywhere but hopped or ran, and the outdoors held an irresistible appeal for him. Almost as strong as it had once held for her at that age. Unlike her mother though, Regina found excuses to take her son to the woods, with imagined errands to run for the town or make-believe rabbits.

"Mom! The table's set!" Henry called up the stairs.

Regina grinned, still in awe of how happy he made her ever-after.

.

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**Storybrooke, after the breaking of the Second Dark Curse…**

At first, Regina ignored the knocking. She had mostly avoided seeing people aside from what was required as mayor. Miss Swan and even Snow had tried to stop by, seeking forgiveness and offering misplaced comfort respectively. The contact had not been welcomed. She wasn't plotting revenge or emotionally destroyed by Marian's return, but she needed time. Time to reconstruct those barriers that had been lowered since returning to Storybrooke. Time to figure out how to do that now that she had light magic. Time to navigate how she should react without drawing on her hate for power. She just needed time.

As the knocking wouldn't go away, however, Regina found herself stalking toward the door, fully intent on telling whoever it was that they could report to the Charmings that she hadn't grown horns or baked any apple tarts. When she opened the door though, she was surprised not to find one of the Charmings' messengers but Henry. "Henry," her smile was automatic, then shifted to bemusement as she noted two horses grazing on her lawn.

"Happy Adoption Day, mom," he smiled. "David's been teaching me about horses, and Athos finally said I could ride him." He gestured toward the speckled grey. Henry leaned forward theatrically, lowering his voice to a stage whisper. "I hear there's this trail by the creek that leads to a magic well. It's supposed to be pretty cool."

For a moment, Henry was six again, ready to go on another adventure.

_Blink._

He was a young man, features sharpening into the lines of a teenager.

_Blink._

Both her son.

Snapping out of the surreal moment, Regina hugged him fiercely and kissed his forehead. Then, just as she used to, "Well, Prince Henry, I had best change into riding clothes."

.

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**Storybrooke, during the Second Dark Curse…**

Regina hurried away from the house, using her magic to disappear as soon as she was out the door. With no one there to see, she leaned against her kitchen counter, an anchor for her spinning head. _He_ could not be here. _He_ could not—her mind wandered off and snapped back—find her attractive. She took a deep breath and let it out, releasing her death grip on the counter as she did so.

"I don't have time for this," she declared. Collected once more, Regina disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.

Even while searching for the Wicked Witch, though, that small voice of hope whispered as it had all those years ago. Henry didn't remember her now, but she could find a way to change that after this new threat was dealt with. Then, perhaps—

Regina shook her head to clear it. Happily-ever-after didn't exist in this or any other realm, but happily? Regina glanced across the docks at the son who didn't know he was being protected. _Happily_ was possible.

.

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**Storybrooke, after the closing of the Time Portal…**

"He told me about the memories," Miss Swan blurted without pretense. Regina flashed a glare in annoyance. Miss Swan hadn't had this unfortunate habit when she first came to Storybrooke. She could only surmise that it was Snow's influence that had tempered the woman's better linguistic abilities.

When Emma didn't take the hint, Regina sniped, "Was there a reason behind that statement or were you just testing your ability to put syllables into words?"

Taking the barb as an invitation, the Savior slid into the booth across from her. Finally, "With everything that's happened, I didn't have a chance to thank you. For what you gave Henry and me. Your memories, they're…_good_."

Regina stiffened at the tone. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Emma back peddled, "I just meant that—"

"Believe it or not, Miss Swan, I wasn't always the Evil Queen to my son."

"You aren't evil anymore," Emma stated quietly.

She briefly accepted that acknowledgement of her efforts before annoyance got the better of her. "Clearly," she said flatly. "You're still alive." The old Regina enjoyed watching the Savior squirm in guilt and self-doubt, but only for a moment. Regina chided herself at this. She really had changed. "What do you want, Miss Swan?"

In an instant, the uncertainty was gone, replaced with the more familiar face of a world-wise bail bonds person. "I don't want us to fight anymore, at least not in front of Henry. I've talked to my parents about you from the missing year, and from what they said coupled with these memories…you've really changed, Regina."

"Thank you," she said drily. "I might not have noticed without your stellar observation skills. And before you try to fumble through another apology, I don't blame the Savior for saving someone. It's in your blood, after all. I just hope that you keep the price in mind during your training."

Confusion flashed across Emma's face. "You still want to train me?"

Regina gave the woman an exacerbated look. "Who else is going to do it? Blue? The newly wed Mr. Gold? Besides," she added coolly, "when else am I going to have an excuse to hurl a fireball at your head?" Emma looked up sharply. Apparently deciding that the last had only been half serious, she relaxed a tad. "Uncontrolled magic is dangerous," she continued, purposefully stirring her coffee, "and since Henry is half yours, you need to be able to protect him."

The two mothers looked at each other, united in this one area where their son was concerned. As they had always been, even when fighting each other.

The Charmings chose that moment to enter the diner, Neal and Henry in tow. "Mom," Henry sounded surprised, addressing both of them at once.

Regina gave him a warm smile. "Emma and I were just discussing when her training can resume. She still has much to learn."

More than a few eyebrows went up around the diner, followed by a tangible release of tension. Despite her apparent shift in character since returning from Neverland, the town had been holding its collective breath while the Queen and Savior were at odds again.

"That's great!" Henry enthused, genuinely excited that his moms weren't fighting. "Can I watch sometime?"

Emma and Regina turned as one, "No."

.

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**Storybrooke, 26-28 years after the casting of the Dark Curse…**

He was eight, and he wasn't happy. When he was younger, it hadn't mattered who his mother was, but as he grew he became more aware and so did his classmates. Even with their memories gone, something of the fear lingered. At one time, she had reveled in that latent fear, the instinct everyone held in this cursed town to obey her. But that was before that fear could hurt Henry.

As if a switch had been flipped, it suddenly mattered to Henry's friends that his mother was the mayor, and some of that fear was directed towards him.

Regina was first alerted by a note home from school. Henry's teachers had noticed that he didn't play with the other children, had become withdrawn, and was anything happening at home that might affect his social life? Regina was shocked. Just last weekend, Henry had asked permission to stay with a friend after school. When she confronted him about it, Henry confessed, saying, "No one wants to be my friend anymore."

That birthday, Regina had personally written the invitations to all of his old friends. The curse compelled them to come and Regina spared no express for the party, but Henry didn't smile. "They don't want to be here," he said, frustrated. "I can tell."

Henry became more withdrawn, even from her, and began believing the stories he made up about people. One day, Regina followed him after school to the playground he had once played on years ago with the other children. When she asked him where he'd been, he told her he had taken a walk by the docks. Regina looked at him sharply but found only truth there. When had her son started lying to her?

He was ten now. It scared her how much of a stranger her son was to her. How little he told her. Still, she had a plan to change all of that, starting with this Adoption Day. Regina had already informed the school that Henry would not be attending today. Today, she would take Henry to the woods and show him the new site of the playground that would be built. The playground where other children would also play. With Henry. And Henry would be happy again.

Smiling to mask her worry, Regina knocked lightly on his door. "Henry?" He didn't answer, as was his custom of late. Stealing herself for the stab that sent through her heart, Regina entered the room. "Hey, sleepyhead," she tried again, sitting on the edge of his bed. "I have some newly picked apples waiting to be turned into pancakes downstairs." She paused, hoping for that he would spring from under the covers like he used to, all smiles and excitement. Nothing. "Then, there's this hidden spot in the forest that should be explored." Still nothing. Regina swallowed, angry with her inability to reach her son, to tear down this wall between them. "Come on, Henry. It's time to get up—"

Regina froze as her hand touched the blanket. Before her mind fully processed the movement, she had torn the blankets back. Pillows. For one heart wrenching second, her mind snapped to Mr. Gold. Somehow, he had regained his memories and come after her son. The next second she dismissed it. That could only happen if the curse had been broken, and something strong enough to undo her magic would not have escaped her notice. The alternative revealed itself a heartbeat later. Henry's favorite clothes were gone, along with his backpack and not-so-secret stash of chips and soda. He had run away.

Her feet carried her towards the phone before her mind registered a plan. He couldn't have gotten far, even if he had left last night, and where could he go? Cold panic settled along her spine. _Where _couldn't_ he go?_ Henry wasn't bound to Storybrooke by the curse, and he was a child of this world. _No. He's here. He's in Storybrooke. He's just…unhappy. I can still get him back._

With this thought echoing in her head, Regina speed dialed the sheriff. Trained dog that he was, Graham picked up on the first ring. _"Regina? What's wrong? Weren't you spending the day with Henry?"_

Stifling her growing panic in the only way she knew how, Regina grounded out, "Find my son."


	3. Keys

**Storybrooke, after the closing of the Time Portal**

The vase remained broken, just as it'd been after she threw it against the wall an hour ago. Frustrated, Regina flicked her fingers, reconstructing the shards in a puff of purple smoke. She could make things happen, just not with her light magic.

It had been so easy at the barn, as if every good impulse that she'd ever had had surged to the surface to protect this timeline. To protect the existence of her son. Without someone she cared about being threatened though, the magic didn't stick.

"_Love is the key," Blue said in that sickeningly patient tone she used when explaining anything to do with light magic._

"_I know that," she bit out. Forcing herself to calm down, Regina stared at the stained glass where the Black Fairy's wand had been hidden. "It's not as if I have an overabundance of love to draw on. There has to be another way."_

_Blue gave her an infuriatingly serene smile, giving Regina the answer before she opened her mouth. "There isn't another way. Regina, even your dark heart had enough light in it to defeat Zalena."_

_She shot a glare at the fairy._

"_I'm just saying that you are already capable of light magic. How did it manifest last time? What were you thinking about?"_

"_My son," Regina said quietly._

_Blue smiled again. "There you are then. The key to your magic is your son."_

_Regina recoiled from the thought. "I am _not_ putting my son in danger just so I can practice my magic. There has to be another way."_

"_There is," Blue assured her, stepping toward her for the first time, "but it will take time."_

_Regina snorted, not the least amused. "Have you looked outside?" she demanded, pointing at the snow gathering under the windowsill. "There is no time."_

Once again, Regina channeled her anger into one violent act, hurling the vase across the room. The glass shattered, scattering a satisfying spray across her vault floor. Unfortunately, the satisfaction was short-lived as she tried to bring her light magic into focus.

"That was…unique," Snow's voice interrupted her concentration.

Gracing the young mother with a scowl, Regina returned her gaze to the glass fragments. It annoyed her how everyone had been treating her with kid gloves since Emma's time travel blunder in saving Robin's wife from her own execution. An execution that had been ordered by the Evil Queen. Those who had been with her during the Missing Year didn't believe she was going to return to her old ways, but the Savior wasn't entirely convinced. As such, she had avoided coming to Regina directly, even after her magic lessons resumed. "I assume nothing realm-altering has happened since it's you here instead of Gold," she said by way of greeting.

Snow wasn't offended, of course. Considering their past, the atmosphere in the mausoleum was positively welcoming. "How's the training going?"

Regina spared her a scathing look.

"That good," she sympathized.

Turning back to her desk on the pretense of straightening her potions, Regina took another breath, claiming a calm she did not feel. Collected once more, she faced her step-daughter. "What do you want, Snow?"

The woman had the decency to look abashed. The only time the Charmings sought her out was when they needed something. Even during the Missing Year, they had mainly steered clear, respecting her need to grieve in private. "It's about Neil," she blurted, worry clouding her face. "He doesn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time, and he cries so often…" She trailed off at the smile threatening to break on Regina's face.

"He sounds like Henry." She did smile then. "If you want, I can stop by and check on him, but everything you just said sounds perfectly normal. I'm sad to say though that you and David had best come up with a sleeping schedule now. Henry didn't start sleeping through the night until he was four."

Snow's eyes widened, clearly alarmed by the idea of not having a decent night's sleep for several years. "How did you do it?"

Regina gave Snow the first genuine smile she'd had in days. "He's my son." A sudden flash drew their attentions to the corner. Regina raised her hand, a fireball instantly sparked to deal with the unwanted invader, but nothing was there. Except the vase, completely whole again. Regina picked it up gingerly, testing the solidity. "What do you know? Blue was right," she grinned, "Henry _is_ the key to my magic."

.

.

**Enchanted Forest, during the Missing Year…**

Her magic didn't work like it used to. She could still put on a good show of strength, but her heart wasn't in it. There was plenty in this realm and the next to fuel her hate for a lifetime, but she couldn't bring herself to walk that path again. She had changed for her son and would not betray him by going back to her old ways, even if he would never know. Even if it meant losing to her sister.

Regina's chest tightened. She had never yielded a fight to someone, let alone before the fight had really begun, yet she sensed that this was a battle she could not win. Not as she was now. Since returning to the Enchanted Forest, her motivation behind her magic was confused, torn between despising her current life and wanting to meet Henry's now-nonexistent expectations. With the motivation confused, her magic was erratic, ranging from terrifying in its intensity to practically harmless. Thankfully, it had been powerful when needed. Or at least powerful enough to repel the half-hearted raids made by flying monkeys on the settlements that were cropping up around the castle. If Zalena was merely testing her strength as she suspected, Regina knew that she was giving a poor showing. The Charmings were impressed, but for all their experiences as subjects of magic, they were remarkably unschooled in recognizing magical quality in spells.

This was a war she could not win, and the only method she knew to remove everyone to safety was closed to her, because she had nothing left that she truly loved. Regina smiled bitterly at the irony. Her greatest strength and greatest weakness had always been love. She was beginning understand why her mother had ripped her heart out of her chest and stored it in a box all those years ago. When love made her strong, there was nothing she couldn't do, but when it made her weak…

"_Love is weakness," her mother explained evenly, as if explaining a choice in tableware. "Trust me, darling, you're better off without it."_

She closed her eyes, seeing Henry get in that yellow bug and drive away until lavender wisps obscured him. Her heart hurt so much that she wanted to rip it out and crush it, but how did that saying go? Better to have loved and lost than not loved at all? Regina lowered her hand. She wanted to dull the pain, but she didn't want to forget the love. Her love for Henry.

"Mi'lady?"

Regina jumped, cursing The Thief and his ability to sneak up on her. "What do you want?" she bit out every word.

The Thief didn't even have the decency to look abashed. "The king and Snow White sent me to look for you on a private matter."

"A private matter that concerns a thief?" she snarked. Regina enjoyed watching The Thief's hackles rise. There was something about riling him up that brought a spot of joy to her day.

"The choice was not my own, I assure you," he answered tersely.

Regina used a glare to mask her swift appraisal of his form. He was handsome. Even in her heartbroken state, she could see how his clothes pulled tight in the right places, hinting at what would have once made it a priority for her to see just how forest living had chiseled his body. Even as she felt the curiosity pull her toward this man though, Regina dismissed it. He was attractive and had a tongue as sharp as her own, but nothing would happen. He was a thief, and she was the queen. "Your message is delivered," she dismissed. When he didn't leave, she said it plainly, "You can go now."

The Thief gave her that annoyed frown that he often wore when speaking to her. "If you were softer in words, Mi'lady, you may find yourself surrounded with more friends."

Regina glared. "I don't want more friends."

"Allies then," he countered, not missing a beat.

"I have all the allies I need," she ground out.

The Thief nodded amiably. "Yes, Snow White is a fine ally, and very loyal despite your general disdain."

Regina gave him an arch look. "The Thief is giving me relationship advice. How quaint." She managed to make the last word sound like a curse. Still, he came back with a tight smile.

"After Marian, I also didn't want to be near people, even my son—," he confided. Regina mentally recoiled from the connection this man was trying to draw. He hadn't lost everything. He still had his son, a reason to keep going. "—but it wasn't healthy. I needed to be near people to heal, and so do you."

She gave him her most withering glare. "I don't need people, Thief."

"Robin," he stated firmly, squaring his feet as he did so. When she didn't respond, he elaborated, "My name."

"I'm aware of who you are."

"Yet you never use it. Never use anyone's name if they're in the same room, in fact. Why is that, Regina?"

She stiffened at his deliberate use of her name. A name only uttered by those who knew her from Storybrooke. _Henry._ "You want us to be friends?" her tone conveyed all the warmth of a hooded cobra. "Then keep your son from following me."

The comment stunned him into silence. Finally. "I wasn't aware his presence bothered you," he started carefully. When she didn't immediately respond, he carried on, "I will respect your wishes, of course, but you should know that he's quite taken with you."

The familiar ache in her chest contracted again. "And I with him," she said quietly.

Grim understanding dawned, but The Thief wasn't done prodding her heart yet. "Are they very much alike, your boy and mine?"

Regina looked away. Really, they were nothing alike. Where Roland was quiet and demure, Henry had been a bundle of energy. Looking back, she had always marveled that she hadn't dropped dead from lack of sleep during those early years with Henry. Roland didn't even look like Henry, but the smile was the same. Every time that boy smiled, she was reminded of Henry from the years before he knew she was the Evil Queen. Trust and love, untainted by the understanding of what she was.

"I will keep Roland closer to me from now on." Just as quiet.

She glanced at him and did not find the pity she expected. "Thank you," she said. Then, smile quirking up in a shadow of a smile, she added, "Thief."

.

.

**Enchanted Forest, 5 years before the casting of the Dark Curse…**

The fire flicked closer, causing Regina to panic. She pulled again, straining against the ropes.

"That won't work, dearie," the imp taunted, "Brute strength won't save you, only magic. Tick tock."

If she lived through this, she was going to kill Rumpelstiltskin. The ropes immediately loosened. Regina gave a cry of victory only to choke on smoke. Recovering from her fit, she squinted against the cinders flying through the air, looking for a way through the ring of fire. As if sensing her plan, the flames intensified, driving her back against the stake.

"Use your magic, dearie! No one will save you but you!"

Regina glared at the imp, suddenly sure that he would watch her burn rather than help. It was no wonder her mother was heartless. She had clearly had an excellent tutor. And she hated him for it. Yes, hate. Hate was the emotion she needed. The fuel she could use to tame these flames. Focusing all her hate, Regina blasted it against the Dark One, the sheer force driving the fire toward him in a shockwave.

Rumple's form shimmered slightly in the aftermath, the remnants of a shield spell fading away. "That, dearie, is how it's done." He flashed one of his rare grins of approval, letting his pupil know that she had performed above his expectations. Meaning that she was still alive.

She knew she shouldn't ask. Part of her wanted to pretend that her mentor cared enough that he would have stopped the fire before it killed her, but she needed to squash that hopeful voice, and so she asked, "Rumpelstiltskin, how many of your other students died before testing me?"

The Dark One's face twisted into a mockery of a smile. "Does it matter?"

.

.

FIN


End file.
